Big Brother?

No I don’t have a big brother somewhere that I didn’t know about. My title specifically refers to my ongoing struggle with keeping my private life private but at the same time wanting to be irrevocably connected to people around me. Even this blog is proof of it. As of today, it is a private blog that can only be read by me. Why do I write in it as if others will read it then you ask? (You being the fictitious reader that has yet to exist) Because I can’t decide if I want this to be read of not. Because I’m hopelessly self absorbed in thinking I can write something worth other peoples time but ultimately too scared to know if I’m right. Mostly because I want to put myself out there but at the same time, I don’t. So why title this entry as big brother?

Well the question in today’s society is: How much should we really share about ourselvses to everyone with access to the internet? Too often the questions not asked are: What are the reprecussions of this post/comment/tweet? or who would have access to information about me that I didn’t want them to have? So the big brother theme is the underlying threat of what your information can do on a public stage aka the internet. In contrast to this negative view, the internet has changed communication in positive ways such as giving people a forum to meet that may never get a chance to, or even just helping maintain the relationships we already have in “real life”. So how does all this political garb fit into my theme and why explain every detail as if I were writing for kindergarteners?

For starters, because I simply care too much. I care quite a bit what other people think and although I have a stable self confidence, it doesn’t mean that I don’t take any and all criticism to heart. Hence I tend to over-explain myself to get to a simple point. For example, my overly long blogs. Anyways let’s get down to the real matter at hand: my Twitter. LOL, there’s always an underlying 15-year-old theme beneath all my posts. Simply put, I crave followers. Something about knowing that people care what you’re doing is empowering. The problem is that I don’t necessarily want just anyyyone to follow me. I don’t want that 48 year old lonely man in Siberia to know that Rob and I shared a romantic evening. Why not? Because it’s weird. Creepy. As is the whole concept of Twitter actually. So because I don’t want Boris over in Siberia to know I’m at Arden Fair Mall, I keep my profile private. Meaning in order to read my tweets, you have to be “accepted” by me to follow me. But at the same time, I want more followers. If this sounds crazy, it’s because it most likely is. I have ways about me that even to this day I don’t really understand and now I’m starting to think this blog will only paint me out to be a complete freak.

Gah, as if a normal identity weren’t already difficult, a virtual identity is even harder to maintain!

Story of my life


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