I’ve gone back and forth on whether I wanted to chronicle my adventures in fitness on my blog and I have to tell you, the jury is still out. But here I am, and here goes.
First off, anyone who knows me, knows I have a healthy self esteem. I love who I am and what I look like. I mean the first place I gain weight is my chest, how many women can say that? But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to be healthier. To change some of that fat into muscle and to make better food choices would be an awesome lifestyle change. And I won’t kid myself, it’d be nice to lose some weight to fit into those jeans from a few years back. But I just want to be clear in letting people know that I love having curves and whether I’m ever successful in losing the weight or not, I will always love my body.
I wasn’t born an athlete. Problem #1, I’m a TERRIBLE loser. Problem #2, I’m not naturally good at any sport. Put those two together, and it’s easy to see how sports didn’t become my weekend hobby. But growing up, my generation did something called “playing outside”. It involved rollerblades, rolling around in the grass and playing with other kids in my neighborhood. If I see a kid outside nowadays, I wonder if he’s lost and/or running away from home. But overall, I was an active kid, just definitely not a competitive sports player.
In high school, I chose theater and ASB over any sports (with the exception of trying out for the basketball team sophomore year, where I did one day of conditioning and decided that the only conditioning I wanted to do was my in hair). In college, I dabbled in some IM Softball but when I saw my future best friend Auva get hit not once by twice with the softball, I didn’t return after that season. Basically the extent of my relationship with sports is cheering from the stands.
But starting in July, I made it to the gym 2-3 days a week and so far in September, I’m upped it to almost everyday. My exercise regime consists of classes at the gym alternating with days of treadmill or outdoor running and maybe a day of weights thrown in. I’m pretty sure I’ve lost between 5-8 pounds in the past 2 weeks and I have to admit, I’m feeling pretty good. To keep my motivation up, I’ve been talking to other people who like to workout so I can find inspiration.
But when everyone I talk to tells me “I love that feeling after running, it makes me feel so good”, the subconscious in me is thinking about how badly I want to punch them in the face. When I go running, I feel proud and achieved but I’m dripping in sweat, panting and gasping for air. My face is usually red, I feel hot and overall its not a pretty sight. Sometimes when I’ve had a really hard workout, my legs feel so exhausted and my head is pounding so hard, I can’t wait to sit down. Sure mentally, I feel great but physically, I feel like death. Now, I know this is due to being out of shape for so long or maybe even pushing myself too hard but as I highlighted above, I can’t fight the facts: I like working out but I’ll probably never enjoy running. Running doesn’t “feel good” but I know it’s good for me. And I KNOW I’m not the only one who feels this way. Or maybe I am and I’m just that lame.
Biologically, I know my body will eventually react with less intensity to running and maybe someday I’ll be able to say “it just feels good”. It seems highly unlikely, but still a possibility. I guess what I’m trying to say is that if there’s anyone out there that struggles with exercise too, you’re not alone. Don’t let all those athletes fool you into thinking it’s a walk in the park for everyone. For those of you, like myself that hate to run or drag yourself to the gym, I’m right there with you. But let’s keep on keeping on and let’s give those natural born athletes a run for their money!
Happy Thursday readers!